I had dreams last night. One dream had the message that I don't trust myself and attempt to sabotage my conscious efforts. The dream involved a smarmy, slimey kind of character (one part of my personality) going around "telling" on a business-like character (another part of my personality), like, what the business-like character was planning to do was wrong and obviously needed to be stopped before anything could actually be started. Two points:
1) What the business-like character was hoping to accomplish was NOT automatically bad for me.
2) Stopping the business-like character before she could even get started -- that sounds like my life! I HATE it when I have good ideas for what I should be doing, or make good plans to accomplish meeting my goals and I just stay quiet and don't even begin to do them. That is absolutely the bane of my existence. I want to get rid of the part of my personality that has me being this way. It's like being paralyzed. I want to claim my own life, to take charge, to be in control.
I recently learned about what the term "learned helplessness" means, and I wonder if that is going on in my life. It could very well be, given my background. I kind of think there is something deeper going on, though, maybe in addition to the learned helplessness. I want to get rid of the deeper stuff, not just go for the shallower stuff. Now, if I could just figure out how to do that.
No comments:
Post a Comment