We 4 (my sister, Dave and Barb, and myself) had to totally make our own way, figure the universe out for ourselves, and believe me, abused by a group of crazy adults, the facts we had to work with made no normal sense whatsoever, so how could our answers make much normal sense? And children make such deep abiding vows to themselves, you know? What you vowed to yourself as a child of 4 to 11 years old can stay with for a lifetime, even if you grow to forget the specific vow. It's deep inside for the rest of your life. I made vows. Not while I was loved, nurtured, tenderly guided into mature adulthood by wise ones, but while I remember being raped daily, trained to be able to endure pain and deprivation, starved, tortured, ritually abused, my obvious plight ignored by teachers, neighbors, relatives, unprotected, hated by my parents....it's no wonder that my inner convictions can be somewhat skewed from the norm.
I was sincere, though, and wanted to do no one any harm. That's a big deal for someone with my background. My sincerity and desire to do no harm didn't make me turn out "normal", but it did keep me from turning out badly. Unconventional, nontraditional, inexperienced in quite a lot of what those around me take for granted, yes, and that's all not an easy life. Not consumed by hatred, or in prison for the rest of my life, or cruel.
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